Transfer Day Results
(I wrote this on May 23 2023)
This is the post I’ve been hoping and wishing to write for years now. It worked. Our transfer was successful! I went in yesterday for a blood pregnancy test and got the results by email around 3 PM. Of course they don’t just say ‘pregnant or not pregnant’ they say what your HcG, estrogen and progesterone levels are. I wasn’t going to wait for the doctors office to call and explain, that’s what Google is for. A quick search on google told me that yes indeed I was pregnant. I sat at the computer for a while just trying to process that news. I got a little emotional, tears welled up. My next thought was, I can’t get to excited. Not until the doctors office calls. Dr. Google is known to be incorrect BUT I still need to plan how to tell Drew. As I drove to JoAnns to get a white bandanna that I was going to put the announcement on for Xion to wear, I thought about how I’d never even considered how to tell a spouse I’m pregnant. I mean, I think I used to like 8 years ago when we first started trying. But since then, I haven’t really given it any thought. It seemed pointless at the time. So now I was faced getting to surprise him with very little time to plan. I had called a friend who makes custom cookies and in-between tears asked if she could get one done for me in a few hours, she said yes but it would be 3 hours (6 PM). That was a little later then I was thinking (Drew usually gets home between 4:30-5). So I scrapped that plan and instead searched pinterest for good ideas. I found the dog wearing a bandanna one and loved it. Off to Joanns Xion and I went. Drew had called and texted multiple times throughout the day asking if the results had come in yet. He called me as I was driving home saying he was heading home, (SHOOT I need time to make the bandanna!), I asked if he could stop at the store for taco supplies for dinner (that’ll give me at least another 20 minutes).
I made the bandanna and put it on Xion. Adorable! Drew got home and Xion was so excited to see him and sniff the groceries that the message was kind of lost but eventually Drew figured it out. He said he thought it was going to be bad news because he saw an email from the lab in my inbox and then I had denied it. I of course had to tell come clean and tell him I had sent him on a fishing expedition to Safeway to buy me some time to make the bandanna.
How do I feel? Drew said it best when he said he still feels guarded. This is all new to us. This is the farthest we’ve ever gotten in the having a family process. We got to tell our families. We know the gender. We have names picked out. But we don’t have the blessing of a naïve pregnancy. We know many of the things that can go wrong. We know disappointment. We know sadness. I feel a little guarded I think because I don’t really know what to expect physically or emotionally on this journey now that we have a positive pregnancy test. I’m excited but reserved. I don’t know what the next steps are except we have to do another blood test next week to see how things are progressing (and if they are progressing).
We went out for FroYo to celebrate.
One of the things that occurred to me is that I think I’m feeling guarded in part because I’m uncomfortable with the spotlight. And I’ve been so open and public about our journey that when I make the announcement to everyone that we’re expecting I’m cautious/fearful about how people will react and what they will say. Will people say things that are unintentionally hurtful? How will I feel about that? What will I say? How will I physically react? There are a lot of unknowns and that is manifesting as cautiousness. I feel like I’m trying to protect myself and my heart.
